IRON Hat Trick

Ironman Wisconsin 2013

So, a few weeks ago, a friend of mine (Sarah Speicher) completed her third Ironman, at Ironman Kentucky, in a little over 12 hours.  She is is an inspiration to many, but no one more than me.  We started training this year for our two separate races at about the same time.  Of course she shattered my time, and is now on her way to completing her first double Ironman (The Anvil in Virginia)  in October.  She is a HAMMER!

I got the idea to start a blog after reading her's a few years ago, and realizing that I could not get all of my thoughts on certain things down to just a simple status update on FaceBook, so you can now find my ramblings on "An Aardvark's Road to Iron"

After her race a few weeks ago, Sarah posted the most entertaining, funny, unique, and real race report that I have EVER read.  My race report will be modeled after hers.  I am not the owner, or the inventor of this type of race report, so there are no copy right infringements intended :)

Here is how this works...  These are some of the random thoughts going through my head as I find myself on the race course, surrounded by so many people, yet on a journey of solitude and personal introspect throughout the next 12 hours 59 minutes and 8 seconds.  This is long, but entertaining and very much real.  For those reading who are athletes, you will definitly relate, and for those who are not, I think you will get a brief insight into the somewhat unstable mind of an athlete during an endurance event.  So here goes, I hope you enjoy, and at least part of the time can relate...

Pre-race:

-Here we go again...  First one was for me, second one was for Gerry, But this one's for Ray.

-This is like old hat by now... Speaking of hats, this will make an Iron Hat Trick at the end of the day :)

-Ok, what am I forgetting?  There is no way I have not forgotten something, I was way to relaxed about all the pre race prep this time.

-I should have taken more time to lay out all my food.

-I could have nutrition issues, don't forget I've only done this two times so far, and one was good, but one sucked... Badly.

-How do I know if I'm drinking enough today, it is so cold.

-Holly crap, there is no way I have put in enough miles this summer to make my goal.

-Scratch the goal, lets just try to get under 14 hours so you don't have to hear about how Hysong beat you.

-Get my swim cap on.

-WHERE IS MY NOSE PLUG!?

-Whew...  That would have been a VERY long swim with out my nose plug.

-I'm like a little kid with the freakin nose plug.

-I gotta learn to swim without the nose plug.

-Screw that I can swim 2.4 mile in under 1:05 I don't care what anyone who is slower than that says about the nose plug.

-Hurry up people, we are never gonna get in the water by the starting gun if you people keep jackin around at the ramp, get out of our way.

-Did he just say 2 minutes, I can't even see the water yet.

-See you at the finish, Jess.

-Wonder where Clinton is?

-Kevin...  I hope I don't see you again today, if I do, that means you have caught me, and I won't hear the end of it until Chattanooga 2015

-Oh HOLY CRAP!  That wind is whipping. 

-Oh Snap!  Are those 2 footers?

-Some of those waves are three foot tall.

-COLD!  I like to get in the water a bit slower, I should have been easing my way into this.

-Hurry up and get up to the front before the cannon.

-Don't forget to plug my ears when they shoot off the cannon, that sucker is gonna be loud, we are close to it.


Swim:


-Crap!  So much for plugging my ear, that wasn't as loud as I thought.

-BTW thanks for the 10 second countdown, Riley...  A little warning would have been nice.

-Start your watch, then put your goggles on, accurate time is more important than the nose plug and goggles first.

-Now get the goggles on before I get ran over.

-That sucks, those people still aren't even in the water yet.

-Ok, we're are officially swimming in the Ironman and there are 3,000 other people trying to run me over.

-Aw Crap, wonder if that guy just kicked my stop button only my watch?

-Nope, still tickin.

-There is a hole, swim that direction, and get there quick.

-Where did the hole go?

-Wow, this is more like wrestling than swimming.

-This is definitely not going to be a 1:05 swim time.

-GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!

-Finally a rythm.

-Slow steady breathing, long even, hard strokes.

-There is the second helix, glad I breath on the right so can see it.

-Almost to the first turn bouy, that should be about 900 yards or so.

-Crap, kicked in the watch again.

-Still ticking

-Does that say 1:21 pace?  Should I slow down?

-Wow, did I get pushed WIDE of that bouy.  That added some yardage.

-I see the next turn bouy.

-Feels  like I'm in a washing tub, did a big boat just go by?

-No boat, that is just how rough this lake is gonna be for the next mile or so, get used to it.

-Why does everyone feel the need to cut those bouys so close?

-Crap walleye vision :/

-Don't stop to clear your goggles, you will get drowned by the people who keep hitting your feet from behind.

-Now these goggles are giving me a headache...  Or is it the nose plug?

-Can't take this anymore, my head is pounding, move to the right and clear the goggles.

-Wow, that was the problem, I should have fixed those goggles 20 minutes ago.

-I may have black and blue eye sockets, that was the worst case of goggle eyes I have had all summer.

-Are these yellow bouys in a straight line?  Looks like the wind has them all messed up.

-No, that's me not swimming straight.

-These waves are the worst I've ever swam in.

-Is that inflatable boat being towed by a swimmer?

-Wow!  There is a handicapped kid in the boat. Amazing display of love and dedication.

-Why is there no traffic around me?

-Why do I keep finding myself so far off the main pack?

-This is exactly like swimming in the pool at the water park when they turn the big wave machine on...  Unreal.

-I have not seen a bouy, or anything other than the next wave for the past 3 times I have taken a sight look.

-Oh, awesome they must know we can't see, there is a boat with fire truck light flashing down at the end by the turn bouy.

-This sucks, but at least I'm not tired yet.

-Keep swimming towards the flashing lights.

(10 minutes later)

-Coming up on the fire truck boat, better find the turn bouy.

-Are you S#%TTING ME?!  Who's dumb idea was it to put the boat with the flashing light 400 yards to the right of the turn bouy?

-I wonder how much I have added to my swim over that not so straight mistake.

-Finally turning crosswind.

-Oh, cool I can already see the last turn bouy.

-Around the last bouy, better pee again.

-Now is a good time to check my pace.

-1:41, could have been worse considering that wind I guess.  2.15 miles down, not far to go now.

-Is that the take out?  I'm gonna be way over 2.4 miles

-Can I pee one last time?

-Look out lady, I'm still swimming here.

-No, I don't need help up, I live on the lake and no one helps me out at home.

-Lady, I said no, now let go of my arm, do I look like I can't stand on my own here?

-Get rid of the nose plug before you get to the picture guy.

-Where is my wife with that giant head on a stick?

-Don't need help with my wetsuit.

-Get your hands OFF my wetsuit I said.  I got it!

-You have got to be kidding me... 2.93 miles. Wonder if my Garmin is broken.

-Alright, no walking, lets run... It's a race.

-No wife.

-Don't see her, but I just heard her screaming.  Thumbs up over the shoulder... I hear you.

-Wow, this helix is long.

Transition 1:

-Ok, I'm getting tired now.

-1977...  Get me my bag please

-Never mind, I know with 20 of you standing here staring at me, I can still get it faster myself.

-Ok, find a chair to sit and get your shoes on.

-Ok, the floor will work just fine.

-Ok, run.

-Where is my bike, where is my bike, where is my bike, where is my bike

-Ok Destiny, don't forget the talk we had...  I promise to ride hard, you promise not to break down.

Bike:

-Get over to mount up so you don't get ran over.

-Down the helix.

-Brakes, I need more brakes!

-Ok, out of that maze, but a sidewalk...  Really?

-How long is the no passing zone gonna last.  Can we pick it up here people, 11.4 mph is killing my bike split.

-Finally, let open this B**ch up and see what we can do here.

-22.3 mph, is this too fast?

-Wow, there are a lot of people passing me, and I'm not dragging my feet here one bit.

-Race my own race, remember what James said, cautiously easy for the first loop.

-Look at all the bikes, I'll never get out on my own.  Hope the refs understand all the traffic.

-Pass, get passed, pass, get passed.  Should I be keeping count?

-I have passed this same guy at least 5 times already.

-Lady, why do you keep passing me if really aren't any faster than me.

-Was that a ref on a motorcycle?

-No time for chit chat, sorry bro. Throwin down a smokin fast bike split.

-19.4 mph at the first timing mat.  Maria will be thrilled. 

-We may have an 18.5 mph bike day after all.

-Why is that motorcycle riding next to me but slowing down?

-RED CARD WHAT!?!?

-That ref is a TOTAL F%*KING A-HOLE.  He has no business being a ref if he really thinks that is 4 meters.

-Lets check, one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three...  Yep almost three seconds away from that guy at 20 Mph...  A far cry from DRAFTING you freakin dousche rag!

-There are at least 40 bikes up there, nose to tail, and he just blasted right by all of the drafting, but "I" got the red card?

-Where is the penalty box?  Lets get this out of the way.

-Does my Garmin say 19.9 average so far?  What is a 4 minute penalty going to take off my overall bike split today?

-Quick math says 0.3mph if I go round 19mph all day... CRAP!  That guy should be fired.  If I miss 13 hours by less than 4 minutes, I'm gonna be pissed.

-There is the yellow tent

-Time for a candy bar and a gel.  May as well relax and have a drink too.

-Some other guy got 2 red cards, whoa.

-I never knew 4 minutes was so long.

-Wow that took my average down from 19.9 mph to 19.2 mph.  Gotta lot of race course to make up in.

-Timing mat number 2, this is over 40 miles in and still averaging well over 19 wait til Spike sees that online, and they have no idea that it includes a 4 minute penalty.

-My back is killing me, and it's a long ways to go.

-Racin for Ray.  Keep pushing it down the hills.  Free speed.

-Why does everyone stop peddling on the downhills?

-Why am I peddling still while my Garmin says 37 mph?

-Don't forget to drink.

-Do I need salt?

-I really need that Advil for my back.  Why can't I find it?

-Its not hot.  Take salt anyways, it may help my back.

-Why does everyone say to go easy on the first loop?

-That was nice of me to fall back and let that guy go by on that hill.  That ref was def going to red card him too.  Nice of him to recognize and thank me for helping him out.  I could have screwed him good by pushing for just about 5 more seconds.  Those refs are A$$ BAGS!

-I mean really, we are like 13 hour people...  Shouldn't the refs be watching people with a legit chance at Kona?

-Does my sexy looking bike draw that much attention?

-There is Kevin's giant head on a stick!

-Where is mine?

-Hello Waldeck family!

-Where is Maria?

-Oh there she is, that was close I almost missed her.  Thumbs up!

-Get a drink and get moving, time to make up.

-Mile 50, now I see why I was supposed to go easy.

-Now that's a hill.

-I suck at climbing.

-This is where I shine.

-Downhill, don't stop peddling till you pass 40mph.

-Caution, really?  Slow down signs are for sissies.  I'm going faster.

-Oh crap, almost missed that curve, not made for 43mph tuck position.

-I cannot believe my brake caliper is loose and rubbing.  I spent 2 hours tweaking that thing yesterday.  I should hire a real mechanic to work on my bike, I guess.

-Why are people in the left if they are not passing?

-I'm gonna plow that guy if he goes any further left...  I will never get slowed down enough to not kill us both.

-ONNNN ---- YOURRRRRR --- LEEEFFFTTT!

-Get over if you're not passing, you idiot!

-Oh crap this is the fastest downhill I have ever ridden for two miles.

-4 or 40 seems to be the rule today, up again at 4 (mph)

-Guys in pink bikinis... Ugg..  I almost went blind.

-Lady I really do appreciate the support, but you should not be wearing that cat woman costume.  I will be blind before I ever make the run.

-Oh my, guess that was not the top...  Crap this hill is 2 miles long.

-Who would ever want to race at Lake Placid?

-2nd loop... Finally.

-Special needs bag... Yes!

-Mountain Dew, sweet nectar from Heaven :)

-Sandwich?  Nope.  Payday?  Yep.

-That was like an Indy car Pitt stop!  I'm fast.

-Can't believe I could not find any Advil.

-Note to self: Advil taped on every single piece of gear I own for the next IM

-Wow, times are really suffering.  Hope I can finish this bike at over 18 mph average.

-Back up again, I'm getting tired. 

-Yes!  This time that 70mile marker is for real.

-Downhill again, I don't have the energy to push as hard as I did earlier.

-Get a goo for energy.

-Mile 80, just noticed my back doesn't hurt anymore.

-My legs are dead.

-Up again.

-Devils with pitchforks.  4 of them, cool spectators.

-These people love them some Ironman.

-Back down, peddle hard up to 40 mph.

-Wow, I can descend like a pro, cannot believe how many people are riding their breaks.  SISSIES!

-Guy just complimented me on the downhills, surprised he even knew it was me, blew buy him so fast a while back, wouldn't have thought he could even tell what color my bike was.

-But...  He IS passing me again now... Guess the impressive downs where fun, but not really worth much now.

-Mile 90, not sure how much more I have left.  If I can just get out of these hills and on the road back, I may still make it with a decent average.

-I'm hurting bad.  Hammy is very tight, calves are feeling it bad now.

-I made a big mistake...  To hard too soon.

-Cannot make this mistake on the run...  Negative split (if I can run at all that is)

-Oh good Lord where did this wind come from?

-So much for the wind helping me out on the ride back into town :/. Straight on head wind is what this is.

-Finally the no passing zone again...  I'm gonna make it.

-12 mph?  Really?  Lets go people!

-Lady!  You cannot pass me here.  I know we could run faster than this, but it's a no passing zone!  Where are those refs now?

-Who's cruel idea is it that we have to ride back up this helix?

-Stop in front of the line.

-Ok, 17.4 mph.  Lesson learned.  Stupid.

-Oh my back.

-Careful with my bike please.

-No I'm not ok, but I will be in 2 miles.

-No I cannot stand up straight, but thanks for the observation captain obvious.

Transition 2:

-I look like one of those people on the Kona videos, running all hunched over sideways.

-Why did I ride that hard for the first 60?

-Rookie mistake, I should know better.  This is not my first race.

-1977 bag please.

-I'll just stand here and wait while you bend over and pick it up for me...  Thank you.

-Down the hallway... Oh wait!  My back is normal again.  That makes me so happy I could almost cry.

-Why is it so easy to feel emotional about the stupid little things just because I'm tired?

-Who cares, I'll be able to run now, that's all that matters. 

-That chair right there on the end.

-CLINTON! What's the chance that you would sit in the chair right next to me?

-Are you kidding?  You kept your entire ride in your zone 2 and we are both finished at the same time?  I bet I was in zone 5.5 on that last hill.

-No time to dally, get that sandwich and start running.

-2 bites are enough.  Ditch the sandwich and find water to take the Advil and Sport Legs.

-Salt.

-I should pee now before I leave transition.

-That hurt, a lot.  Nothing like cramping from pissing.  Bad idea.

Run:

-I need soda.

-Wow I feel like a new man.  Who'd would've ever known I would be this excited to be starting a marathon by this time of day.

-Hey Clinton, I cannot talk and keep up with you at the same time.

-Wish I could run like that.

-Fall back and race my own race, I never expected to be able to keep Clinton's pace on the run.

-Where is Kevin?

-Where is my wife?

-Wonder how Jess is doing.

-Other people's heads on sticks!  Copycats.

-Who cares about the Packers?  What is the Colts score?

-Man this crowd support is amazing.

-Yes!  Cold sponges.

-Don't get the water on my shoes.  Wet shoes suck... Badly.

-Oh, potato chips!  Score.  Just two though.  I'm not feeling so great.

-Cola!  Then water again.

-Back to running.

-Just make it to the next aid station.

-Why do people run past you, then walk until you pass them back over and over again?  Isn't it easier on your body to just run a slower pace and keep it steady?

-How are all these fat girls running all around me?  Didn't we all start at the same time this morning?  Am I really no better than that?  Oh ya, I screwed myself on the bike.

-Legs feel pretty good, keep it MY race.  This isn't about Clinton, Kevin, or the fat girls.  It's about me breaking 13 hours, so stay focused and stick to the plan.

-Almost 6 miles in, Kevin will be catching me soon.

-Wow, now these are some hills.  People weren't lying, this is a tough run course.

-Could I walk the same speed up this hill?

-Thank you lady walking for confirming that I am going faster than if I were actually walking.

-I love college towns, these fans are the best.  I've never seen a race with this many crazy spectators.

-Turn around coming up.

-Oh my Lord, there are at least 2,000 people cheering up there...  This beats the S--t out of Louisville's turn around with no one around to even know if you're walking.

-WHERE IS MY WIFE?

-Back to,the starting line, those hills are gonna suck on the way back.

-Oh thank goodness it is cloudy, this weather is perfect.

-I don't need the sunglasses, but they do look cool.

-There is my head!  Maria up ahead.

-Hey man, dude next to me, do you see that head over there on that stick?  Yep...  That's my entourage.

-Really, lady, you thought I was on my second loop while I was running this slow?  If I was finishing in 11:15, I be running much faster.

-I hear Mike Riley!  13.1 coming up!

-Still a good pace, I may make this 13 hour mark yet.  Legs don't fail me now.

-More chips and coke. 

-Back into Badger Stadium.

-Am I just now passing a guy missing one leg?  Did we start at the same time, and he is going to finish just behind me in 90 minutes? 

-Does he fade to the right swimming since his right leg is missing?

-That guy inspires me.

-Stop being emotional,  I have a race to finish.

-Will I hit a wall?  Have I ever?

-Kevin!  Crap you are only 400 yards behind me.  You say you're fading fast, I say you're a sandbagger...  Bet he will catch me soon, just run my own race.

-Who cares about the packers?

-I smell BBQ.

-Lady, those tights that look like real muscles without skin, are really creepin me out.

-Some people are overboard on the costumes.

-Best sign all day right there!
"If ironman was easy it would be called your mom"

-Thousands of drunken college students cheering for me!  How could this be better?

-Can I make it back in before dark? 

-If not, do I wear the glasses anyways?

-YES.

-Mile 20, no wall.

-The wall is not real.  It was made up by a quitter.

-I'm not gonna make 13 hours for the second race in a row.

-This race is about me, no one else, who cares if I break 13?

-I said I was gonna make it in under 13 hours, if  Ray can fight cancer every day, and I'm doing this for for him, then I owe it to myself and to him to do everything I can to be under 13 hours.

-Why do I care if I break that number?

-Because I said I would do it.

-If  I don't break 13 am a failure?  Maybe not to everyone else, but in my own mind's eye... Yes.

-I care.

-Mile 23, no more time for water breaks, no more time for walking 10 seconds out of every mile. 

-Mile 25, this is gonna be close.

-Think of a cool pose for the finishing line, enjoy it.  People will cheer just for me, so give them their money's worth.

-Three blocks, there is my posse up ahead screaming like lunatics!

-Oh crap I only have 2 minutes to make it!

-I hear Riley!!!!!!!!!

-Don't cry!

-My wife is SOOOO excited!

-Blow her a kiss, she sacrificed as much or more than I did to make this happen for me. (just make sure you still look tough while doing it)  PHOTO OPT

-I looked cool blowing that kiss, hope someone got a picture of it.

-Glad I opted for the glasses (they are hiding the tears)

-I'm gonna break 13!!!!!!!!!!!

-I feel light as a feather.

-I am now that idiot that we always make fun of for sprinting the finish, but I gotta break 13!

-Pose for the finish photo.

-Stop the watch.

-Thanks Riley, I was already an Ironman before today, but hearing it from you never gets old.  You beat the crap out of the announcer at IMKY last year.

-Take off the glasses, and look at the finish time - fingers crossed!

-12:59..........  Niagra Falls.

-Thinking of Ray, my wife, my friends,and  my friends family who cheered for me like I was their own today.  Thinking of a hot shower and pizza.  Thinking of how that finisher jacket is gonna look on me tomorrow.  Thinking of my muscle pose for the photo with my medal in a few minutes.  Thinking of the guy I saw pulling his handicapped kid through the race.  Thinking I'm really hot, but I'll be freezing in 5 minutes.  Thinking I need another bottle of water right now.  Thinking of a short knap after my shower.  Thinking to myself, I must be getting soft in my older age, because I should not be this emotional after my third one, but wow, every time is as good as the first.  Already thinking of Ironman choochoo 2015.  Thinking how it will feel to be back down here to cheer in a few hours for the very last midnight finisher. Magical.

If anyone ever asks me why I do Ironman the answer is simple and at the same time complex, but it goes like this:  if you have to ask the question, then you will never really understand the answer anyways.

Over the past couple of years, I have realized that I will forever struggle to find balance in my life.  That is no easy task for someone like me.  Most days I do ok, some days not so good.  If I set a goal, it MUST be achieved at any cost.  I'm trying not set goals that put so much strain on the people around me, but there is a bucket list, and neither normal, nor the status quo resides on that list.

The almost impossible task of swimming the English Channel lives on that list, it is years away, but always looming in the back of my mind.  Someday reaching Ironman Kona is on the list. 

And there are others, but I will save those for another day.  For now, I will take a vacation and go fishing in Alaska.  My body needs a short break, and my soul needs the therapy of mindless fun for a week.  But it won't be long before nagging at the back of my mind will the be Ironman itch again.  That longing for the magic than can only be found at the finish a 140.6 mile day fueled only by the desire to rise above mediocrity.

I am not every man, I am Ironman.